just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
