i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
