hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
