its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
