hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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