How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My vagina just recognized that song.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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