Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
false alarm, still single
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