Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
