My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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