Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
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Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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