Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
