I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
