Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
