my mouth tastes like poor choices
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
