Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
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And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
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Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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