I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
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