Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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