He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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