Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i believe in u and ur pee
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
