I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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