I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Randomize
