He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
