I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
