do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
