onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
