Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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