Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
