let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
how drunk are you?
Several
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
