I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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