Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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