I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
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A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
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I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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