i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
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