Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
