Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
