Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
