your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
