cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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