____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
