I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
