She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
