I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!