yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?