I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised