It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag