i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
