a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
