You can't special order awesome
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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