Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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