Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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