Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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