Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
