I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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