He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
