i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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