idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
