I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
