He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
