I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
