So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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