Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
