remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
