I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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