at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
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i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
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So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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