This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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