Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
