I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
