At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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