I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
