There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
whose ass print is on the piano?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
