Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
