the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
