your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
