apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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