I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Randomize
