I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
