I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
